As someone who doesn’t like the idea of dating but recently learned that God isn’t going to just drop my husband out of the sky, I started getting serious about it. I’ve been studying it, asking others that I know about their dating experiences and listening to different pastors preach about dating and courting. I mean, if I’m going to be required to actually go on these dates, then I need to know what I’m doing.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, who’s really going to ask 20 questions on a first date. Crickets. Well I guess I’ll go ahead and put my hand down now LOL. Seriously though, this isn’t intended to be a RULE or LAW per say but I do think it’s good idea to be prepared. Ladies, you know how we get, all googly-eyed and infatuated and that causes us to lose sight of what’s really going on.
“Don’t make the date an interview but also don’t forget that you’re dating with a purpose”
The reason why I never liked the idea of dating is because I don’t like wasting time and what better way to keep from wasting time… ASKING THE HARD QUESTIONS UPFRONT.
Let’s take a look at a some of the questions on my list:
- 1. Do you have a relationship with Christ?
- 2. Do you serve on any ministries at your church?
- 3. Who holds you accountable with your walk?
With these questions, I’m trying to figure out DO YOU KNOW JESUS? Do you have a relationship with him? Do you just attend church and sit in the back row or do you actually involve yourself with the church? Are we equally yoked? If not, thanks but no thanks. This is when you should kindly dismiss yourself from the table.
- 4. How’s your relationship with your parents?
- 5. Do you have kids? How’s your relationship with your kids? Relationship with the mother(s) of your kids?
- 6. What generational curses have you identified in your family?
- 7. What’s the divorce rate in your family?
- 8. What does a successful marriage look like to you?
These are the questions you want to ask if you want to find out what kinds of relationships your date has and how well he/she maintains them. You will also find out about the family that you could be potentially be marrying into.
PAUSE…. didn’t mean to scare you with the “M” word but I mean we aren’t just going on these dates for fun. We are dating with a purpose and that purpose is to enter into a courtship that can lead to marriage.
- 9. What are your core values?
- 10.What insecurities have you recognized in yourself?
- 11. How do you deal with conflict?
- 12. Have you identified your purpose, your calling? Spiritual gifts?
Look I need to know what keeps you grounded. What directions does God have you going in? If I’m going to be someones help meet, I need to know what I’m helping with. I also need to know if I’m possibly going to be in relationship with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
- 13. How many sexual partners have you had?
- 14. Are you still having sex or have you decided to wait until you’re married?
- 15. Have you ever been attracted or had relations with the same-sex?
- 16. Why are you dating?
- 17. What type of boundaries do you have in place when dealing with the opposite sex?
This will help you learn about your dates sexual history, VERY IMPORTANT and also how they deal with the opposite sex. I mean are they just all out here all willy nilly or do they have self-control.
- 18. What’s your credit score?
- 19. Do you have a savings account? With money in it?
- 20. Where do you see yourself in 3 years? 5 years? 10 years?
Let’s face it, we need to know how they are with their finances. I mean, am I going to be in debt with you or does our future look bright. Now I’m not saying that he/she has to have an 800 credit score and thousands in savings or anything but I need to know that you at least know the principle of saving and that you can at least get a loan with a good percentage rate. I also need to know if you have VISION. How can you lead me if you don’t even know where you’re going.
The list of questions you can ask on date are endless, the most important thing is to just ASK them. Let’s stop acting like our looks and their looks will take us to the finish line because it won’t.
When you decide to enter into a relationship with someone, you’re in relationship with their heart, their soul, their decisions, their past and their future. When I started thinking about it that way, I knew I would have to learn to ask the hard questions upfront if I didn’t want to waste time.
So what if they run scared, mission accomplished and if they don’t, well, then there’s potential.