How do you know when it’s time to start living the next chapter of your life?
After having brunch with some friends, I started thinking about that question. I listened to them talk about their relationships and how they would just put themselves out there. I’ve seen time after time women fool themselves into thinking they are ready to date, for whatever the reason. But I’m like what makes you think that you’re ready.
That’s when I started examining those closest to me, especially those in successful relationships, and came up with the following three ways women can know they ready to date again.
disclaimer: there are more than 3 ways, these were the ones I chose to focus on
You’re no longer bitter about your ex
You aren’t stalking his social media. You’re not checking his new girlfriend social media either. Leaving rude comments. Acting like you’re Jazmine Sullivan. You know what I’m talking about.
I bust the windows out ya car
You know I did it cause I left my mark
Wrote my initials with the crowbar
And then I drove off into the dark
We’ve all been there. But if you’re still there, then you are not ready to be in another relationship.
When you’re truly over your ex you don’t care what they are doing nor do you care who they are doing it with. If they’ve moved on, you’re happy for them. You don’t have any unresolved feelings.
In order for you to start a new chapter, you can’t be still hung up on ex.
You’re no longer interested in rebounds
You know what a re-bounder is – someone you use as an attempt to get over the last person you dated or use as an attempt to make your ex jealous.
A lot of us when we break up with someone, we turn into serial daters , where we date randoms (someone not sent by God), just out there choosing anybody. You use re-bounders as a distracter. They are often used as a physical and emotional coping mechanism. You’re not interested in being with them long-term.
When you’re truly interested in dating someone, then you won’t be with the games. You won’t be trying to distract yourself from the pain of a past failed relationship, you’ll be in a space to offer your whole self to someone.
whole- in an unbroken or undamaged state
You’re happy with who you are
Being happy with who you are is a key in knowing that you’re ready to date. Why? Because when you are happy with yourself, you make choices that will keep you happy. You won’t make decisions that are destructive to yourself, your purpose or your destiny.
When you are truly happy with yourself, you will attract a mate that is also happy with themselves.
You attract what you are, not what you want
Being happy with yourself means you won’t repeat past errors or mistakes. Nor will you expect the next relationship to make up for all the pain you experienced previously. Because you’ve taken the time to heal appropriately. You’ve taken time to find happiness in yourself and most importantly in God.
What I’m learning being single is that when you’re out living the best life, the life God has planned for you, is usually when God decides to sweep you off of your feet. So don’t be in such a rush to fill your life with meaningless people who will leave you with meaningless memories.
Once you decide that you’re ready to start dating, let it because you want to share your happiness with someone, not because you’re trying to erase the memory of someone else.